My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
