You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
