Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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