i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Panties = found
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
