I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
