i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
