I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
