She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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