I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
