Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal