I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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