She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
