No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
