Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
