I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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