It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
