Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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