dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
