Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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