There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
