He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
