I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
