don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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