Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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