Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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