His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
