i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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