I think my vagina is haunted
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
