Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
