Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
