Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
