i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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