Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
