He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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