HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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