Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
