i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
