i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize