Buhtt sex?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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