Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.