did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
