erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in