some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.