Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows