I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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