i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
