i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
