i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
