I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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