We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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