Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
