Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
