I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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