i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
