i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
