Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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