I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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