You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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