i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
