I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
