Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
