I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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