Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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