Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
