dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
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Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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