obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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