Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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