Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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