Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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