i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
