South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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