I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
