kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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