also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
