yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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